Thursday, March 27, 2014

Grieving Over My Situation

My faith journey sure has been an interesting one.  When I began this blog I was just coming out of a spiritual pit, during the vast majority of the time I posted was recovering from my spiritual depression, and just last year I fell yet again into a depressed state.  I have not written much since.  I am depressed that it seems entirely plausible that me and my gifts do not matter much to the Church.  And that hurts knowing how much of myself I invested in trying to be a part of the gospel enterprise.  It hurts even more knowing that I actually have useful gifts for the accomplishment of the Great Commission.
 
So I wrote about it on Facebook get some sort of response out of my fellow believers and the elders of the church were not happy about it.  The only thing that mattered to them was that I am a deacon's wife and should not say anything negative about the Church on Facebook.  Or at least that is what I gather.  I only stated that "I do not matter to the Church" and gave my well backed up reasons for saying that.  They did not address that issues I brought up but were fixated on the fact that I posted anything at all negative.  So I took everything "good, bad, and ugly" off of my account because I now know for sure that almost no one in the church cares that I am so hurt by what happened to me in the past when it came to sacrificing myself only to be slighted by the Church.
 
There is no compassion for me only elders trying to get me to conform to who they want me to be and that's a pew warmer and nothing else.  I'm there solely to make my husband look good.  It does not matter how much I tell the pastor and others that I want to use my gifts they simply put me on the backburner everytime while giving all their attention to helping other people use their gifts.
 
So there.  That's depressing.  Who could blame me? 

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stumbled on here from D. Ponter's blog during lunch. I know where you are coming from. Been there and it lasted years, but am now out of it.

May I offer some pointers?

1. Of course your elders don't get it. No one does unless they've been depressed. The world 'out there' is not a grey and foreign place to them.

2. Plenty of people, including Christians, do understand.

3. Rule number one: no self-pity! It's a sin and it will bar your way.

4. Pride walks about in all sorts of guises. Watch out for "I" trouble.

5. Focus on God and Truth for their own sakes. Then serve others.

6. If you haven't yet, read Martyn Lloyd-Jones's 'Spiritual Depression' and 'Let Go' by Fenelon.

7. Try to identify what makes you depressed. Give it to God and leave it with Him.

8. Realize that it takes time to come through it. But if you practice the Truth at least your know that the blind tunnel you are in is moving upwards to the light.

God bless,

P.

Susan said...

I really am sorry that you have been having such a struggle with this CC, I hope that what I say to you won't be taken as rebuke but is a source of comfort for you. I also am of the conservative belief that a godly wife supports her husband, and is submissive, not to be a doormat, but to provide a good home, a source of protection in keeping him contented and comforted by being a godly wife and mother (if there are children) not to be a slave, but to be a "help-meet".

I used to be a "liberated woman" and truly I was frustrated and unhappy all the time. The Lord has since blessed me with a godly husband, and I am the keeper of his home, and I am so content and happy that the Lord uses me in this small way to bring happiness to such a wonderful husband.

Our rest is in Jesus and what He has done, nothing needs to be done by us except His command to us believers is to "watch and pray". We need to pray for the church, for the elders/leadership/pastors to be led by the Lord, and pray for the leaders/presidents/etc of the nations to make wise godly (hopefully) decisions, and to pray for strength when the real persecutions/beheadings/martyrdoms comes that we will stand strong in the midst of the worst suffering this world has yet seen. I think it will be soon, so I pray you and I will be ready and strong in the Lord.

God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you, and give you peace,
In Jesus holy name,
amen,

<3 Susan

Anonymous said...

Dear CC,
Glad that you are out of depression.
Thanks for sharing your personal struggles and God always brings comfort to His beloved people.

Matt 6:32b-33
For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

When we do what is pleasing to God, we are focusing on Him. Men will fail and disappoint us. We do not look up to them and need their approval. God's favour is all we desire.

Ps 37: 4
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

A quiet confidence in Jesus alone.
All praise and glory to our El-Shaddai.

Charity
Singapore
Reformed Church

Committed Christian said...

Thank you all for your encouragement. As you know, I need it. I'm not getting any enouragement from my elders and pastor so it's a relief that there are some caring Christians out there. It's been another rough week, a few weeks ago I e-mailed my pastor and he never responded back to me. This has not been the first time he totally ignored me. If I were single this would be the week I totally quit going to church, my confidence in church leadership is at an all time low. This same pastor wonders why people quit going to church and says all sorts of things about these Christians that reveal his ignorance of what it means to be a "wounded sheep". They probably are Christians but are too hurt to come back. I get hurt even thinking about the subject these days. I'm a believer but it hurts to try anymore. I just needed some encouragement to keep on and never got it from my leadership. So thanks, there is some hope for me.