My faith journey sure has been an interesting one. When I began this blog I was just coming out of a spiritual pit, during the vast majority of the time I posted was recovering from my spiritual depression, and just last year I fell yet again into a depressed state. I have not written much since. I am depressed that it seems entirely plausible that me and my gifts do not matter much to the Church. And that hurts knowing how much of myself I invested in trying to be a part of the gospel enterprise. It hurts even more knowing that I actually have useful gifts for the accomplishment of the Great Commission.
So I wrote about it on Facebook get some sort of response out of my fellow believers and the elders of the church were not happy about it. The only thing that mattered to them was that I am a deacon's wife and should not say anything negative about the Church on Facebook. Or at least that is what I gather. I only stated that "I do not matter to the Church" and gave my well backed up reasons for saying that. They did not address that issues I brought up but were fixated on the fact that I posted anything at all negative. So I took everything "good, bad, and ugly" off of my account because I now know for sure that almost no one in the church cares that I am so hurt by what happened to me in the past when it came to sacrificing myself only to be slighted by the Church.
There is no compassion for me only elders trying to get me to conform to who they want me to be and that's a pew warmer and nothing else. I'm there solely to make my husband look good. It does not matter how much I tell the pastor and others that I want to use my gifts they simply put me on the backburner everytime while giving all their attention to helping other people use their gifts.
So there. That's depressing. Who could blame me?